Jensen Kalani Gilbert

Eight years ago today I gave birth to my "little" angel, Jensen. When I say little I mean very little....she was 3 months early and only weighed 1 lb 9 oz. She was the first baby for me and Allan. We have no idea why I went into labor so early. They poked and prodded and tried to figure out why she came so early. Because of our faith in our Savior, we know He had a reason. She only lived for 3 1/2 weeks. Longer than we originally thought. For a very long time I blamed myself for her early delivery. What did I do to go into labor early? Did I do something wrong? Those of you who know me at all will know that I am the Queen of Guilt. I knew it had to be my fault, somehow. She was the sweetest little thing. She fought really hard to survive. But it was not meant to be. I actually have a harder time on this, her birthday, then on the day she passed away. Not sure why that it is. My heart misses her. I physically ache without her. Everyday I look around and feel like "somthing is missing". It is her presence. Oh, how I miss her. I look forward to the day that we are reunited. I am so grateful for the Plan of Salvation. The death of a child is the HARDEST thing to deal with. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It hurts. It hurts really bad. But after a lot of counseling, prayer, fasting, and faith (I mean A LOT) I can finally get through the day without breaking down everytime I think of Jensen. I can laugh out loud when I think of something funny or cute she did. She was spunky, fiesty and just as cute as can be. We couldn't figure out how to scan her picture into the computer so that will have to wait. But here is a picture of her headstone. I guess it is kind of a "downer" to post that picture on my blog on her b'day...but I once heard a poem that talked about the "dash" in between the birth and death dates. In the little time Jensen was here she gave us so much love, hope and laughter. I loved every second I got to spend with her. She is my angel. She is my hope. She is my light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly, death doesn't scare me. I know without a doubt she will be at the veil waiting for me....How can I be scared of that? The joyous reunion with my angel. WOW!!