"...to infinity and beyond..."

This is Buzz Lightyear. I know most, if not all of you, know who this is. Well, my little guy, JAG, loves Buzz. One day I was telling JAG that I loved him more than anything. His response was....."Mommy, I love you to infinity and beyond". How cute is that? I am telling you what that kid can melt my heart like butter in the microwave. All of my kids have said some really cute things. I was smart enough to write some of them down, not so smart with writing all of them down. I wish I did. So, I would tell all of you....write things down. You won't remember them. Some things are just TOO precious not to remember. I love the fact that my little guy puts me right up there with the magical Buzz Lightyear. I hope when he is 16 he will remember how much he loves me. heehee!!!

"10" Things that I will never get tired of.....

These are in no particular order...I have just been thinking of things that make me happy, my likes. Ok, so we all know my family, my testimony etc. are ALWAYS top of the list, these things are just pure "earthly" and "fun".....

-----Yellow Roses are my favorite flower. They say "true love" to me. If I had a wish it would be that my hubby gave them everyday to me. The color yellow is my all-time favorite color. Any shade. makes me happy!!



Here is my "Keithy Baby". This is Keith Urban...he is dreamy. My kids even call him "Keithy Baby". I love his music. In this picture he is looking for me....he misses me.

----This is my Joshy. If you haven't heard him sing you are missing out. This CD (his Christmas) is wonderful. One of my daughter's loves track #2 (Little Drummer Boy) my other daughter loves track #6 (Thankful). It is a must have!!!! LOVE, LOVE HIM.

-----DIET PEPSI....no more words needed. Nectar of the Gods. Trumps Diet Coke everytime (yes, CORI, my sis this is meant for you!!!)

--I never tire of "people watching". At the beach this past weekend I watched the cutest little elderly lady get into the ocean. She had her pretty blue swimming suit on, her swim cap that was probably covering her purple hair, and some younger women (maybe granddaughters) holding her hands. She entered in gingerly, got used to the water, held on "for dear life" and shrieked because it was chilly. I had to look away for a few minutes and then I found her again.....out pretty far, literally catching the waves. THE

CUTEST THING EVER. I love watching people in their joyous moments. It warms my heart.

---I NEVER tire of the way Kalani (my hubby) smells after bar-b-quing. I wish they would make a cologne..."Ode to Bar-b-que" I would buy every bottle.

---I never tire of visiting my parent's home. It doesn't matter if I grew up in the house or not, if my parents live there it is HOME. Is that crazy? I am a mother and all grown up...but still need and love to come HOME to my mom.

---I never tire of eating ACT II buttered popcorn, mixed with M & M's and swig it down with Diet Pepsi. (this is my favorite dessert).

---My IPOD. enough said. Music makes my world go around.

---Cell phone. My direct line of communication to my world.

Ok, this list was easy and I have a lot more I could add. But for now that is a good start. I love things that make my life easier. So if you are reading this you are on the list, too!! All my loved ones make my life easy. I appreciate and miss and LOVE you all.

What a difference two weeks makes....

Two weeks ago today I had a COMPLETE meltdown and I have been thinking about it ever since. I keep asking myself why do I do this? So here is what I think......At the time of my "meltdown" this is what our (my life) was or at least seemed to be: no job, no money, no home, no car, no friends, everything was no, nothing, without....

Allan and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this move to Hawaii was meant for us. We felt in down to our bones that this was what we were supposed to do. However, things weren't coming together like we thought they were going to. We ran out of money SUPER fast and had no jobs or money coming in to replenish what we had spent. The prospect of finding a job looked very bleak. Those of you who know me, know that I stress BIG time over stuff like this. Anyway, the Wed & Thurs before my meltdown Allan and I had fasted and prayed for guidance. We were humble. We prayed. We pondered. We questioned ourselves..did we do the right thing? So by Friday, meltdown day, things had not improved..in fact they seemed worse. I will spare you the details but let's just say it looked like we wouldn't be able to feed our family, still no job, still no money, etc. Anyway, it all got to me. I cracked. I was giving up. I lost it. BIG TIME. Like uncontrollably sobbing, shoulder shaking, nose running, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably, lost it. Allan and I were in our room, me on one side of the bed, he on the other. I remember him looking at me with the look of total disbelief on his face. Now, you know Allan is the sweetest, most patient man on the earth. He treats me like a queen. He never raises his voice at me. He just holds me when I meltdown. But I think he knew this was a different kind of meltdown. The likes of which he hasn't seen probably since Jensen died. He tried to calm my nerves. Didn't work. He tried to reason with me. Didn't work. He told me it would be ok. No way, didn't work. So, he walked over to me. Tried to hold me. Tried to calm me down. My shoulders were to shakey. I didn't want him to make it better. What the heck was I thinking? So the man who never raises his voice at me, had to. Like I was a little kid. I suppose I was acting like one, so he had to treat me like he was the parent. He told me not to give up on us. He told me he loved me. He told me it would be ok. He told me eveything would work out. He wiped the tears. He gave me a kleenex for my nose. He held me. I cannot tell you how comforting it was to be held tight in his loving arms. At that instant I knew Heavenly Father had answered my prayer once again. He blessed me with this wonderful man. My husband. My best friend. My Kalani (heaven). So, obviously, I recovered from my meltdown. The meltdown happened at about 11:30 a.m. and you know what......by 2:00 p.m. Allan found a job, a MEDICAL, job and lot's of other things that were troubling us worked itself out...or at least gave us hope that things would be ok. So, what did I learn from this.....that Heavenly Father answers prayers on HIS time not mine. I already have a testimony that He answers prayers, now I have to come to know the next stage...He does so in His time frame, not ours. So, after this meltdown and lack of faith I was feeling guilty. Why does Heavenly Father continue to bless me when I continue to disappoint Him by not having the faith to endure. I was in the car waiting for Allan one day and I noticed a book. A book, my daughter was reading. We bought it at Time Out for Women and Girls. It is written by Kim Nelson. He was one of the speakers at the conference. I opened to the page she was on...another answer to my prayer. The chapter was entitled God's Partental Affection. There it was...He blesses me because He loves me like I love my children. I never stop loving my children no matter what mistake they make, and our Father in Heaven loves us the same way. He helps our needs get met. If we ask Him, He will help us. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it is no. Just like me with my children. The author quotes, Luke 11:13-" If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?"

Things are good. We are together as a family. Allan and I are both working at Waimea Urgent Care. We have a home to live in, we have a car to share, our kids are happy. We are on our way to making things work. There is a dim light at the end of the tunnel. There is a rainbow in the distance. We are constantly reminded of the love our Father has for us. We see rainbows here on the Big Island weekly, and until now I never noticed how beautiful they are. Somewhere over the rainbow is where I want to be....and the good news is we are heading that way!!

What a week.........

We have had a busy week. The kids went back to school from Spring break. The usual Scouts, mutual, school activities, etc. kept us running at a sprinter's pace. One of the BIG activities we had was a show my girls were in with their hula group. The 2nd Friday of each month they perform at a local outdoors shopping mall, tourist spot--and the show was GREAT!!! My sis-in-law is the director of the group, my niece helps choreograh and my mother-in-law mc's the show. There are 6 principle dancers and little Miss Kawehi dances, too. The dancers are all teenagers and they are FANTASTIC. There is even a fireknife dancer. I don't care how many times I see the dances I grow to love them more and more each time. There is just something about Hula dancing, Tahitian, Samoan, New Zealand dancing that I just love. I love the chanting, the music, the meaning behind each dance. This is how the Polynesians tell there their stories. Their geneology was carried down through generations by their dancing and beautiful hand movements, before the written word was introduced to them. I just get lost in the special meaning behind it all. I love watching my daughters be a part of it. CS, my oldest, learned 6 new dances in 2 weeks. So she was kind of nervous to perform last night. But she did GREAT. I cry every time I see her perform. She touches my heart!!! She was really excited because she learned some new dances that are "couple" dances and loved learning to dance with J.D. !! She is defintely growing in her talent, being here in Hawaii. I love it!! So here are a few pictures to share in our Hula love.....

CS and Kawehi
Kawehi and G'ma showing members of audience how to do the hula....

CS and J.D. --couples dance

CS doing a solo....performing a dance she learned in Idaho (thanks Aumau)

My Three Sons.......

Last Saturday we were at the beach for JAG's b'day and had been there for a long time. We had just told the kids they had about 10 minutes before we had to leave. I was standing as life-guard on the shoreline and watched my three sons. Now for those of you who know my sons I think you would agree they are "lively" and like to have fun. As I was standing there watching my three sons play with each other in the water I felt such an overwhelming joy!! You know how they say when you are about to die your whole life just starts kind of flashing in your head and memory? Well, I wasn't dying but suddenly the lives of my little boys starting flashing through my mind...each of their births, their quirks, the events of their lives that have made them who they are...watching my eldest son pass the sacrament at church, their scouting activities, helping G'pa (my dad) take the cans they collected to the recyle place and then stop at McDonald's and get a "cold one"--a drink of lemonade or root beer......so many more memories flooded my mind. I watched them. I smiled. I cried. Allan was standing there and looked at me and asked what was wrong...I couldn't even talk. I just watched these three little boys (because that is what they are too me, even though my eldest is taller than me) be just that..LITTLE BOYS. I have seen movies or T.V. shows that show bear cubs wrestling with each other, they kind of circle on top of each other and roll around on the ground, that is what my boys were doing...except in water. They would jump on each other, dive under the water and come up under another brother...the sweet sound of their laughter made me smile. I stood there thinking where has the time gone. I suppose because it was my "baby's" 6th B'day (and he constantly reminds me that he is not a baby anymore) I was a little more reflective than usual. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to witness those few minutes of pure fun and joy my three sons were both experiencing and also giving me one of the greatest joys a mother can have. Did your mom ever say to you, when you asked her what she wanted for her b'day or Christmas or mother's day, just for you to be happy, or be a good kid or something homemade? Mine did. I remember thinking "Mom, that is kind of lame..what can I get for you?" Now I totally get what she meant by her "dorky" answers (I thought that is what they were when I was teenager) because there is NO material thing I would want in replace of watching my children play, get a long, be happy, have fun, smile and laugh with one another. Motherhood is the hardest job I have ever had. There have been days when I could have easliy said "forget this" and walk away. But I have also come to know that Heavenly Father knows exactly what to do to stop me from giving up...He sets me up. He makes things happen that sweetly remind me how wonderful motherhood is. My three sons play in the ocean....my daughters perform beautiful dances...motherhood is joy. My heart is full.

"JAG" is 6!!!!!

JAG and ASHLEY (see below)

I cannot believe my "baby" is 6!!!! He has looked forward to this birthday for so long. I am not sure why he wanted to be 6 so badly. But the day finally came. We spent the day at the beach, per JAG's request. I didn't take any pictures there because the wind was so intense and I didn't want to get sand in it. But we had a blast. He had so much fun in the water, the sand, boogey boarding & snorkeling. JAG totally loves the beach.

Grandma made him a huge cake!!! Chocolate of course.

JAG wearing our traditional Birthday hat. We made sure the hat was packed for our adventure in Hawaii.

JAG is the sweetest little boy. He has been such a joy to our family. I love every precious moment I get to spend with him. He is full of love, laughter and life. He loves the littlest of things. He loves trucks, cars, action figures, movies, cartoons, sand, dirt, sticks, rocks, his brothers, his sisters, his daddy, his mommy, his grandma's, his cousins, his aunties and his uncles. He loves Jesus Christ and loves going to Primary. He loves the song Rock Star--the louder the better. He loves to dance, he loves to wrestle. He loves his friends...and misses them so very much. His best friend in the whole world is a sweet little girl named Ashley. (I still can't figure out this whole downloading pictures thing and I didn't do it in the right order. So, see above pictures). One day at the beach JAG was playing in the sand, building a sandcastle and all of a sudden he was just sitting there, staring out into space....I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I miss Ash". Ripped out my heart. He loves Ashley. He misses her. They did everything together. JAG is going thru withdrawals without his Ash. In the pictures above, we had Ashely with us one day and ran all over Boise, Eagle and Star doing errands. They were so good to just take and hang out with. I loved listening to them in the back seat--talking, telling secrets to each other, and making each other laugh. So cute. I love how JAG calls her "Ash". My favorite. She is this tiny little thing that I wish I could have put in my suitcase and brought with us. We all miss Ash. She made JAG so happy. I hope he will always remember the fun they had. I hope when we move back to Star in 3-4 years she will still be there.....and they will be best friends again. After all...I married my best friend from growing up....(No pressure).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY SWEET JAG. Thanks for letting me be your mommy!!!

The Wheels on the Bus..........

One great thing about the island is that they offer "free" bus rides pretty much all over the island. You just wait at the bus stop, the bus comes every hour on the hour, and you get on. Last Thursday Allan and I took the two little ones for a ride into town. So this is the 3 of them waiting for the bus to come and it was raining....it seems to always be at least sprinkling and very windy where we live.
Here are Kawehi and JAG on the bus...they loved being on the "big" people bus...

Here are these two silly kids again...in town...again notice the umbrellas...

While we were on the bus I noticed an elderly man sitting in front of us. He was so cute. One of my favorite things to do is "People Watch" and especially elderly people. One of my favorite memories is from 20+ years ago. I was attending BYU and rode the bus everyday into Orem for my job. One day as I rode I noticed this little elderly couple sitting there across from me. I watched them. They were holding hands and just looked at each other so lovingly. I was entranced by them. Their eyes glistened as they stared at one another. At that very moment I decided that is what I wanted. I wanted to be able to look into the eyes of my eternal companion and get lost in the love we share. The man smiled at his wife. She caressed his hand that was cradled in hers. I watched. To this day I often replay that little scene like it is a video in my mind. I can remember their smiles, their eyes, the age spots on their cute little hands. I am not sure why that scene is still fresh in my mind after all these years. It was one of the most tender "real life" scenes I have ever witnessed. So, this little elderly man on the bus that day we rode was by himself and I got to wondering..has he lost his love, is he all alone, is he healthy, is he happy? We said goodbye to him when he got off the bus. I hope we made his day. I think some of our elderly people in our society get forgotten most days. I hope we can always extend a helping hand, open a door, carry groceries, smile, acknowledge their existence, make their day brighter. We learn the most from those who have gone on before us.