Thank you, Honey....

This is Jensen Kalani Gilbert!!! Thanks to my sweet hubby, he figured out how to scan in pictures and was able to get this cute little girl onto to our computer. She hated being "bothered"--diaper change, blood tests, changing clothes etc. I would have to just put my hand on her to reassure her, that she was ok. You can tell by the comparison of my hand just how little she was. If you look close enough you can see her eye open a little bit. She was the sweetest, fiestiest little preemie!!! The doctors acutally told us she was considered a "micro-preemie" because she was under 26 weeks gestation and under 1lb 10oz (she was 1.9 lb). So there she is --our little angel!!!

Jensen Kalani Gilbert

Eight years ago today I gave birth to my "little" angel, Jensen. When I say little I mean very little....she was 3 months early and only weighed 1 lb 9 oz. She was the first baby for me and Allan. We have no idea why I went into labor so early. They poked and prodded and tried to figure out why she came so early. Because of our faith in our Savior, we know He had a reason. She only lived for 3 1/2 weeks. Longer than we originally thought. For a very long time I blamed myself for her early delivery. What did I do to go into labor early? Did I do something wrong? Those of you who know me at all will know that I am the Queen of Guilt. I knew it had to be my fault, somehow. She was the sweetest little thing. She fought really hard to survive. But it was not meant to be. I actually have a harder time on this, her birthday, then on the day she passed away. Not sure why that it is. My heart misses her. I physically ache without her. Everyday I look around and feel like "somthing is missing". It is her presence. Oh, how I miss her. I look forward to the day that we are reunited. I am so grateful for the Plan of Salvation. The death of a child is the HARDEST thing to deal with. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It hurts. It hurts really bad. But after a lot of counseling, prayer, fasting, and faith (I mean A LOT) I can finally get through the day without breaking down everytime I think of Jensen. I can laugh out loud when I think of something funny or cute she did. She was spunky, fiesty and just as cute as can be. We couldn't figure out how to scan her picture into the computer so that will have to wait. But here is a picture of her headstone. I guess it is kind of a "downer" to post that picture on my blog on her b'day...but I once heard a poem that talked about the "dash" in between the birth and death dates. In the little time Jensen was here she gave us so much love, hope and laughter. I loved every second I got to spend with her. She is my angel. She is my hope. She is my light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly, death doesn't scare me. I know without a doubt she will be at the veil waiting for me....How can I be scared of that? The joyous reunion with my angel. WOW!!

Wrapped in the arms of LOVE......

Is there anything as sweet as seeing one of your Kiddos with their Daddy? Oh, how I LOVE these guys.......

Families are Forever

On June 2, 2007 we were sealed in the Boise, Id. temple. What a "Glorious" day it was. We had lot's of family and friends with us in the temple that day. I will never forget the many overwhelming emotions I had that day. This day was 8 years in the making. This day reminded me that our Heavenly Father anwers our prayers. I knew that my Father in Heaven knew me...and the desires of my little mortal heart. My dad has always said to me, "Heavenly Father knows the desires of our hearts". I know this to be true. I always felt a little incomplete without being sealed as an eternal family unit. My greatest dreams became a reality on this very special day.

I am reminded of this special day--EVERYDAY!!! When I look into the eyes of each of my children or my husband. I am reminded of how important eternal families are when one of my loved ones passes through the veil. My grandma Lewis just passed away earlier this month and what a comfort it is to know that families are forever. What a wonderful gift our Heavenly Father has given us. I appreciate the fact that He loves me and all of us "that" much that He offers us the chance to be with our families for an eternity!!!

Webster's Dictionary defines.....

"SISTER" like this: a woman or girl as she is related to the other children of her parents. I define that word in a totally different way. I have been thinking about the word sister a lot this last week and decided that it has a deeper meaning. On January 1, 2009 I had to bid my little sister goodbye. We were in my mom's kitchen and Cori had to leave to go home and I was leaving very early the next morning. So this was goodbye.....and since we knew we were moving to Hawaii soon, we didn't know if we would see other again for a REALLY long time. So this goodbye was especially hard....How do you tell your little sister goodbye and not know when you are going to see her again? As we were standing there sobbing and holding each other we would whisper little things into each other's ears and then start giggling. Secrets between sisters. Little things that only we knew about and giggled. My 10 year old son was standing there and said: " I don't get it. How can you two be crying one minute and then laughing the next. We said almost at the same time, "because that is what sisters do!!!" So, there it is..the new definition of sister. One who can make you cry one minute and then laugh the next. One who can whisper sweet nothings into your ear and share secrets. One who can share sweet memories, impart wisdom, share talents, share lessons learned. Be a sweet example of motherhood and friendship. One who is a complete opposite of yourself but still have sooooo much in common. One who is there for you NO MATTER WHAT. One who is there when you bury one of your little ones. One who is there for you when your heart hurts so much you don't know how it can continue to beat. One who loves you unconditionally. One who patiently teaches you how to blog and load your new IPOD. What is a sister? Cori. She defines sisterhood. I thank you my sweet sister for all that you have done for me. I love you--more than you will ever know.

The Big Kahuna.......

Reasons why I love Kalani.....

• He loves me unconditionally
• He loves our children unconditionally
• He works so hard for his family
• He is going back to school to improve his career
• He treats me like a queen
• He makes me laugh--all the time
• We can sit and talk for hours, laugh at nothing and everything
• We finish each other's sentences (drives our kids nuts)
• Hearing him call me "Babe" melts my heart
• I still get "butterflies" in my tummy when he walks into the room
• He gives the Greatest hugs
• He has the most gorgeous brown eyes with the longest eyelashes (the kind women want!)
• His smile sends me over the moon
• He bar-b-ques, he marinates, he cooks, he cleans, he takes care of kids--and me
• He helps with homework
• He encourages and supports me in ALL of my endeavors
• He doesn't care if I spend a week or so with my mom and sister
• THE LIST GOES ON FOREVER, ETERNITY, INFINITY.

I am so grateful for this man. This man whose Hawaiian name, Kalani, means HEAVEN. For that is what he is to me--HEAVEN. We have been best friends our whole life. We were even in nursery class together in church. He is my life. I don't know what I do without him. In the coming weeks as we prepare this HUGE move to Hawaii, I will get out of hand with stress and craziness and he will be there calling me Babe and chasing away my fears and stress. All he has to do is smile that wonderful smile and I will melt like I did when I was 16. Thank you for being my friend, my eternal love, my husband, my king, my HEAVEN!!!

Have you ever.....?

Had one of "those" days? The kind that start off kind of bad and then gradually get's worse and worse....and then when you think it can't get any worse, it suddenly changes into a totally FANTASTIC day? That is what kind of day I had today. It didn't start off too great, then got a little bit worse each hour. Then at about 1:30 it totally changed directions!!! I got a call today from one of my dearest friends. Adie. WOW!!! We've known each other for over 20 years!! (yes I said 20!). We had so much fun being in the same ward together. People would say, "Adie and Katie" I'm not sure which one is which, but there they are. It was so fun!!! We haven't seen each other for 10+ years and she totally surprised me and stopped to see me after dropping her daughter off at college. It was so sweet to see her and spend a couple of hours updating each other on our lives. We could have used 10 more hours to just talk and talk but she needed to get home. I forgot how much I miss hanging out with her. Thank you so much Adie, for turning my day into a fantastic day. Friends are so wonderful and I am so blessed to have the greatest friends in the universe!!

A.L.O.H.A.

In the Hawaiian language the word "Aloha" means hello and goodbye...... In about a month or so we will be saying that and meaning the same thing....Goodbye to Star, Id. and Hello to the BIG ISLAND of Hawaii...........Allan Kalani Gilbert has been officially accepted to the University of Hawaii!!!! Congratulations, my love. We are going over there so Allan can go to nursing school using Hawaiian grant money. I will keep you posted on things as they develop!!! I am so proud of Kalani. He works so hard and does so much for our family and he is about to work even harder.!!!! Way to go!!!!!